they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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