i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
