i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
