the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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