Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
