OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I have fence marks all over my body
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize