If that was your dad, he is hot
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
