Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
