Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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