dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
