I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
