She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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