Where did you get a picture of my penis
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
