I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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