1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
