remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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