i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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