She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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