Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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