me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
