I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
