White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
wow bdsm is so cute
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
