Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
