Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Randomize
