PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
