He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
