Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
