We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
