Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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