What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
