drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
