I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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