I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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