So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
