he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
