nut hugger
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
