if i died would you start the facebook group?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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