You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
