the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
