I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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