There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
