Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
