Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
