I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
