the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
