What a fucking waste of an outfit
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
