i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think I died a long time ago.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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