I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
