i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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