I hate your face
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
