ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
