I think I won the penis lottery.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
