i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
