Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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