Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize