I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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