Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
