NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
