I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
