Do you still have your period?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
