Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
