nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
