Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
