You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
