i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
