Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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