He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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